4 Tips to Stop Fighting Over Chores

Published on Nov 16, 2020

A 2019 Yelp study cited that more than 80% of couples fight about housework. While a lack of contribution to chores or constantly leaving dishes in the sink may not seem like much to one person, another may see it as a lack of respect, an indicator of a difference in values, or even a representation of social inequality.

That percentage may not surprise you, particularly if you’re no stranger to fighting over chores in your own home. Your list of chores alone won’t necessarily cause a relationship breakdown but there may be much more behind this ongoing argument, according to Psychology Today.

If this quandary hits a little close to home, these tips can help.

1. Keep The Battle Lines Clear

chore planning

How can anyone stick to the rules if they haven’t been established properly and agreed to?

Have the discussion at the right time, not in the middle of an argument, about what chores are a ‘must do’ for each of you.

Prioritise what chores need to be completed first when either of you has a moment to clean, to make you both feel that your home has a good standard of cleanliness at any time.

Folding that pile of laundry might be important to you while your partner may recoil at the sight of dirty dishes. Both jobs are important.

This can differ between homes and even between people.

Assign jobs that each of you doesn’t mind doing, or even get joy from doing. For example, I enjoy cooking, so my husband is happy to fold laundry while I’m preparing dinner.

This will minimise the chance of fighting over chores, especially if you’re doing a task you enjoy or get satisfaction from.

If you want to get organised, you can download a range of chore charts online or there are apps available too, Like Cozi Family Organiser or Homey.

2. Remember to Re-negotiate

chore negotiation

Life is all about changes and surprises, so keep in mind that you may need to adapt your housework strategy. Career changes, moving between homes, having children – these life moments are just some of the reasons that your strategy requires an update. Someone may have to take on more of the housework or chore priorities may change.

Set aside some time to review your chore chart together and revisit the questions about your chore priorities – having these conversations when life throws changes your way may prevent future arguments.

3. Think about Outsourcing

couple talking about chores

We know life gets busy, and that chores can fall by the wayside.

Outsourcing housework is a great way to reclaim your weekend and spend more quality time together.

Consider your budget and instead of purchasing material items, outsource your chores to buy yourself a little extra time. These are five questions you might like to consider before bringing in a house cleaner.

Companies like Electrodry can take on a range of professional services that can beautify your home.

Smaller tasks can be handled through websites like Airtasker, where you can hire someone to do a range of tasks for a fee.

If the kids are old enough, get them involved in chores around the home. It may take time and patience but enlisting their help (for a little pocket money as a sweetener) will certainly make life easier in the long run. Here are just some of the jobs the kids can start helping with at home.

4. Be Kind

couple cleaning in the kitchen

Housework can take up many hours of our week, so it makes sense that it becomes a point of contention between many couples.

This is how to best keep the peace:

Try not to be too picky about the way your partner does a certain chore.
Be constructive and kind if you want to bring up their poor form. Don’t be critical of what their housework priorities are.
Play fair and remember to always do your share for a healthy, clean, and happy household.